When the Foxtrot Precedes a Marriage Proposal

For as long as I can remember, I’ve disliked romantic movies. The whole boy meets girl, love at first sight thing just wasn’t for me. At a young age, I watched The Notebook and cried because I felt like I was supposed to. Thinking about movies with plots like The Wedding Planner and While You Were Sleeping simply make my skin crawl. With such a dislike for anything too lovey dovey, you can imagine how surprised I was to find myself bawling at the end of Dirty Dancing.

The story begins with Frances “Baby” Houseman (Jennifer Grey) and her wealthy family arriving at a summer resort for their vacation. Baby is a “save the world” type of girl who hopes to join the Peace Corps and serve those in need.

During her stay, she meets two entertainers, Penny Johnson and the handsome Johnny Castle (Cynthia Rhodes and Patrick Swayze) who are dance partners that work for the resort. When Penny becomes unable to dance due to a botched abortion, Baby is asked to learn the dances and become her replacement.

Because Baby is not a dancer, she is forced to spend most of her time with Johnny, learning to properly sway her hips and shimmy up her partner. Johnny is a guy that’s a little rough around the edges and we quickly learn that his background is significantly different than Baby’s.

Now, I’m sure you can see where this is going. The two fall in love and face the problem of them being so different. Imagine Romeo and Juliet if they learned the fox trot and subtracted all the bloodshed from their story.

So, if it’s so predictable, then why did I cry? And you should know that I didn’t just cry the one time. This overflow of emotion occurs every time I watch Dirty Dancing. It’s not even a remotely sad movie. In fact, this movie has a thrilling ending—the girl and guy get together, the dad approves of the guy, and it’s assumed that they live happily ever after.

So maybe my tears are those of bitterness rather than those of excitement for a happy ending.

Here, at Oklahoma Baptist University the focus on marriage is a strong one. Although it may not be intentional, the pressure to find a true love and wed them is definitely prevalent among the young, female students.

I remember during my freshman orientation, the upperclassmen put on a skit that brought the “ring by spring” process to life. This was done by placing twelve or so girls on an imaginary dancefloor. There were four rounds to their dancing. Each round represented the four years you were in college. As the girls danced, one by one, a boy would come up to a girl and drag her off the stage, implying that she had been married.

Soon, by her senior year, there was only one girl remaining. The crowd watched and pitied her as she danced completely alone. Eventually, the girl tired of dancing on her own and began to walk off stage.

As a young and impressionable freshman, the message I received from this skit was that if I don’t find a guy by the end of my college career, then I should just shrug and leave the dancefloor.

Well, faithful readers, I’m approaching the end of my college career and you guessed it, I don’t have a guy. But why should that even matter to me? I’m only twenty-two years old, I should be worrying about a number of other things other than a husband.

This concept of finding a husband while in college has been so ingrained in my mind that I don’t even realize when I’m mournful of the fact that I’m single. Most of the time, I’m independent, carefree, and happy to be on my own. But then one day I’ll wake up and it’s as if someone has flipped a switch—I’m suddenly beyond bummed because of my relationship status and I’m convinced that I’ll never meet anyone.

There have been times in my life where my prayers have consisted of the words, Dear God, everyone around me is getting engaged and it sucks. I have had to learn how to trust God in the fact that His ultimate plan for my life is better than any plan I could come up with. Am I sad that I’m still reppin’ the single life? Sometimes. And that’s okay. But it’s important not to put all of your focus in that area of your life.

So back to Baby and Johnny. At the end of the movie, when that ever-present Bill Medley song comes on, we see Baby and Johnny slowly dancing, euphoric after their big number. As the song also slows down, we see Johnny mouthing the final lyrics to Baby. “I’ve had the time of my life. No, I never felt this way before. Yes I swear it’s the truth, and I owe it all to you.”

This scene is where I cry. Every single time.

I think deep in my subconscious, the tears stem from all that I’ve been told about being single. I cry because I don’t want to be the last girl dancing. I don’t want to be the girl who has no other option but to shrug and leave the dancefloor. And it shouldn’t be like that. OBU’s community, and society in general shouldn’t put that much focus on marriage, at least not for those my age.

Marriage should be something that we look forward to, but instead, because of the pressure to marry young, my views on marriage are surrounded by thoughts of loneliness and the desire to belong in the “married world”. Proverbs 18:22 states that, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” marriage is good in the eyes of God, then why has it become such a burden? I wholeheartedly believe that marriage is a treasure from God. But I believe it is a gift that should be opened in His time. I think someone should tell the young women in college that it’s honestly okay if you aren’t married by age 22. You may feel left out, you’ll probably feel a little lonely, and you might even feel excluded at times. But that’s okay. I wish someone had made that more clear when I started college. Marriage can be beautiful, but I don’t think God created it in order for twentysomethings to feel pressured to be in a relationship, so why have we made it that?

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